That's it, no more.

I can't take anymore. I need some space. I need some peace and quiet. Imagine how it feels, to go away and have a fantastic couple of days, then come back to what seems to have turned into WW3! All I want to do is sit back, and enjoy the serenity the world has to offer. Just for a week or so. Is that too much to ask? I don't want to have to spend my holiday tidying up after everyone elses mess, or getting up a the crack of a sparrow's fart to make sure someone else is up for work. Please, I want to have my own mind, my own life. Just to live how I want to. I want to be asked for my opinion, and, when I give it, I want it listened to, not just dismissed like I've said nothing. If you listened to me, just once, you'd know how I hurt inside, you'd know how I want it to stop.

I don't want all the attention, but I don't want to be completely pushed away from everything. I just want to be acknowledged. Not taken the piss out of, that's not acknowledged, that's patronised. And if you're going to do that, you can fuck off out of my life right now. I don't need people like you. I need people who mean it when they say they care about me. People who don't just use me for help, or think it's ok to take the piss out of me.

I'm well aware this is turning into a rant, but I couldn't give two fucks. This is the one chance I get to say what I think and feel, and hope to whatever God there may be, that the person/people it's aimed at, pay attention. My condition (PCOS), yes, it has some funny symptoms, but they're funny for you. Not me. Ever thought how it might feel to be in my position? To know that you can't even let yourself get close to a guy/girl because your self esteem is so low, you fear s/he might take one look at your body and run a million miles away? No. Because you're comfortable with your body, even if you weren't at first, you've built the courage up and now you don't care if your fella see's you naked. Any of you. So you can laugh, take the piss, do what you like. I'll laugh along, as I always do. Because it's the only way I can deal with it. But remember this. Everytime you laugh at the way I look (considering you're all meant to be my friends), or the way I am, a little piece of me dies inside, and eventually you'll laugh once too often, and I'll be gone. You'll never see me again. You'll mourn, and say 'aww she was a laugh' or 'I'll miss her'. If that's the case, stop taking the piss now. Then you won't have to miss me. I'll be around for as long as I can.

A heart can't break if it's never been whole to begin with. So don't tell me I'm breaking your heart. You've never really cared.