For once, my heart and mind are saying the same thing.

And that is that I should go for who I want. I'm worried that if I go for it, I'll get rejected. And if I don't, that my mind will tell me it's not what I want, when my heart tells me it is. I know it is, but my mind always takes control. I wish my heart was a bit stronger. The person I want is someone I've messed around before, and I know that they'll think I'll do the same again.

Thing is, it won't. And I really really want this. I don't think I could stand it if this person rejected me. We're friends, and although we haven't seen each other in ages, I really like this guy. I fancy guys all the time, and nothing ever comes of it, purely because I don't want it to. I love this guy, I never stopped. but it's like, when I'm with him, my mind tells me I don't want to be in a relationship, when I know I do.

Before, I was petrified of being alone with him, I was worried that, even though I knew he wouldn't do anything, I would do something, and then regret it. I was petrified of meeting his family and friends, I'm not good with new people, especially if they are a boyfriends parents or friends. From past experiences, I've learned not to get too close to someone so quickly, and the quicker I get close to someone, the more likely it is that one of us will get hurt. I pushed him away before, and it worked. But I don't want to push him away anymore. I want to be with him, to let him know how much I really do love him. I've never felt this way about anyone before. This time, my heart and mind are telling me to go for it. But I'm not sure.

Take chances, I know I know, but still, it feels like if I take this chance and ruin it, it might end the friendship we have. That is the last thing I want. So what do I do? Leave it? I don't know, he'll find someone else, and then I'll hurt. Go for it? I don't know, if he says no (which is more than likely the answer I'll get) I'll also be hurt.

Damn.