For once, my heart and mind are saying the same thing.

And that is that I should go for who I want. I'm worried that if I go for it, I'll get rejected. And if I don't, that my mind will tell me it's not what I want, when my heart tells me it is. I know it is, but my mind always takes control. I wish my heart was a bit stronger. The person I want is someone I've messed around before, and I know that they'll think I'll do the same again.

Thing is, it won't. And I really really want this. I don't think I could stand it if this person rejected me. We're friends, and although we haven't seen each other in ages, I really like this guy. I fancy guys all the time, and nothing ever comes of it, purely because I don't want it to. I love this guy, I never stopped. but it's like, when I'm with him, my mind tells me I don't want to be in a relationship, when I know I do.

Before, I was petrified of being alone with him, I was worried that, even though I knew he wouldn't do anything, I would do something, and then regret it. I was petrified of meeting his family and friends, I'm not good with new people, especially if they are a boyfriends parents or friends. From past experiences, I've learned not to get too close to someone so quickly, and the quicker I get close to someone, the more likely it is that one of us will get hurt. I pushed him away before, and it worked. But I don't want to push him away anymore. I want to be with him, to let him know how much I really do love him. I've never felt this way about anyone before. This time, my heart and mind are telling me to go for it. But I'm not sure.

Take chances, I know I know, but still, it feels like if I take this chance and ruin it, it might end the friendship we have. That is the last thing I want. So what do I do? Leave it? I don't know, he'll find someone else, and then I'll hurt. Go for it? I don't know, if he says no (which is more than likely the answer I'll get) I'll also be hurt.

Damn.

This world is no longer safe.

You know why? Because in the last two months, one kid has been killed near the village I live in, another's remains were found not far from where I live, a baby has been killed, and two kids have been killed up North.

What is wrong with the world these days? People are getting killed, and the 'Breaking News' is that some celebrities have offended a few people that really don't matter in this world!

A young boy, who my sister knew, was hit by a train last week, and not once have I heard it on the news! All I hear is celebrity this, and celebrity that. I'm sick of it.

So parents, keep your kids inside, don't let them near any strangers. And don't let them out alone after dark.

It's for their own safety.

The Beeb have done it again....

I say Go Jezza! Sod all the poncey little nancy boys who can't take a joke! If you are a Lorry driver, (Or a prostitute for that matter) and you didn't like the joke, then don't work in that industry! And really, is there actually a spokeswoman for prostitutes? If so, she should be shot.

In this day and age, no job is safe from mockery, being a care worker, I understand that fully. I know that people take the piss and say: 'You're only a care worker if you got shit grades at school.' And you know what? It doesn't offend me because 9 times outta 10, they're right! If you're a lorry driver (or even a long distance driver) you're going to be connected with prostitutes and their murders because a couple of famous killers were long distance drivers. So what? You should have known that long before you got into that business. I mean geez. 188 complaints? Grow the fuck up! This is exactly the same as the RB & JR thing that went on a few weeks ago, and if you read that post, you'll know my feelings on it all.

So help me lord, if they get rid of Jezza, I might begin to play with matches.